Eat this motherfuckers

I'm in love.

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 04:04:56 GMT

So, it's been a while since I've updated, and I figured now is as good as a time as any.

Our flight here was good, but we had a stop in Minnesota and it was cold as crap. Everything was covered in white, which was pretty cool.

Arizona is amazing. It's everything I love rolled into one place. I'm actually considering moving out here. Not right now, but you know, sometime. We've mostly just explored a few places around Phoenix, and the roads to the Grand Canyon are apparently closed so it doesn't look like we'll be going there at all. A trip to the four corners would be almost a 2 day thing, and no one is up for it besides me. I havn't had a chance to geocache yet, but hopefully we'll get around to it soon. A trip to the zoo is in the plans for tomorrow, so that will hopefully be awesome.

Fuck my horoscopes.

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 23:59:33 GMT

Letting off steam
Weak, transient effect: This morning there is a real danger of needless disputes, irritability, emotionalism, rash action and hastiness, which may result in harm or inconvenience later. You will find it difficult to handle other people for awhile. One of the challenges now is to successfully let off steam without making an unnecessary shambles. If you frequently feel somewhat discouraged about yourself, you should be especially careful with this influence. You may see everything that comes your way as a threat and react much too defensively. If you have a bolder and more self-confident temperament, you may be inclined to act too quickly, to be hasty and overcritical of others. Or you may be accident prone. With this influence, you are not as careful as you should be, and you might hurt yourself.

The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Moon Square Mars, , exact at 08:43
active only on 20 September 2009

Damn you moon square mars!!!!

Not all that bad
At this time you may be tempted to withdraw and keep your feelings secret, especially if you are at all insecure about your inner self. Perhaps you, like many people, have always felt that if others really knew you, they wouldn't like you. So you keep your entire emotional life secret. But whatever you hide from others, you will also hide from yourself. And whatever you hide from yourself can control you without your being aware of it. This is a time when your unconscious attitudes and fears can be very difficult. You need to communicate your deep inner feelings to another person, preferably someone you can trust. Probably you will not feel much like socializing now. And in fact it is a good time to be alone and face any aspect of yourself that you are reluctant to face. It is probably not really all that bad.

The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Moon in the 12th House, 12, from 09:09
activity period from 22 September 2009 to 24 September 2009

That and my emotional life is nobodys business but mine. Fuck Tuesdays.

I should pay more attention to these things.

Love.

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 02:02:53 GMT

My sense of love is fucked.

As a child I grew up watching Disney movies, where everything always works out and everyone lives happily ever after. As I've gotten older, movies and books still portray this basic plot, only in a more grown-up way. People overcome difficult things, find their soulmates, and live happily ever after.

Soulmates. As much as I want to believe that there is someone out there who is perfectly matched for me, the odds of us existing at the same time or even finding each other is ridiculous. People die every day. Young kids who never even get to have a significant other. People who are just alone. Not only that, but there are a million places for this person to be born in. How the hell am I supposed to find someone like that? If I had to believe that everyone had a soulmate, I don't believe I've found mine yet. And another thing! What if you think you found them, but they're already in a relationship? What do you do? Risk everything for that chance at eternal happiness or do you leave well enough alone? And how do you know if they're the one for you? What if you never get a chance to test the waters? Do you spend your life alone, or find someone to fill the void? And if you do, what about their soulmate? Would you keep that person from the chance of being really happy?

I am a sucker for romance, and anything sweet. Letters on paper will always hold a place in my heart, and flowers for no reason are always better. For being a sucker for love, Valentines Day holds no meaning for me anymore. Our first in this relationship was painful, and I've learned from it. I don't like to celebrate it.

I read sad love stories. I'm not exactly sure why I gravitate towards the sadder stories, it's just something I do. And what signifies a soulmate, anyway? Being able to pick up again even if you havn't spoken for years? I have that ability anyway. It's something Justin said he's always loved about me. Being ridiculously aware of how close someone is to you at all times, and any time you're touching? I've had that, and so far it hasn't gotten me anywhere. I've noticed that I tend to see feelings where there probably are none. I'm not exactly sure why I do that, and I'm not sure if there are no feelings. I'm not going to come out and ask anyone, because it's not my place. If it's meant to be, it'll be. I get attached way too easily, and to compensate for that, I've learned how to distance myself just as quickly. I'm a hopeless romantic, and sometimes I hate it. I feel that on some level it's made me bitter towards love and may be the reason why I prefer sad stories. My expectations are always high, and I always get screwed.

"Chances are, there's always going to be someone out there who's better for you than the person you're with."

That would be the other side of the spectrum. That soulmates are nonexistant. This would be a little easier to accept, I guess. Soulmates also opens up a whole other subject of reincarnation for me and I'm just not sure yet. So, if I have no soulmate, then what's the point in even finding anyone who's better for me? So what if I'm usually unhappy and I'm being driven crazy twenty-four/seven? If soulmates are nonexistant, then what does it matter what I do in my life as far as love goes? What's the point? This side is less disappointing, but maybe a little more sad. I still have a lot to contemplate.

"I'm stepping back to redefine what I'm created for.
What I'm created for.
For all the things we have lost, it seems that nothing worth having comes without it's cost.
And I, I'm coming to find the power of my mind.
A conscious state of mind."

Scapegoat concert Saturday baby!

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 00:16:43 GMT

Temptations **
Be careful that people whom you have to deal with at this time represent themselves truthfully. Others will probably try to deceive you and if they do, the results could be even more discouraging. Don't let your desire to have things your way cloud your ability to see what is really happening, especially with people. At the same time don't become involved in any devious action yourself. You are not likely to be especially lucky at such schemes, and you may not want to face the consequences in the future. During this time you may also have to face the unpleasant consequences of past actions that you would rather avoid. You will be greatly tempted to turn your back and pretend that they didn't happen. You may even be tempted to take refuge in drugs or alcohol, but this is not the proper course.

The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Mars Opposition Neptune, , exact at 19:34
activity period from 9 September 2009 to 12 September 2009

Ah ha! You're a couple of days late!! A few days ago I would've given my right hand to get fucked up. And for tomorrow.. :

Doing nothing
Although this is normally a pleasant influence, producing good times and pleasant leisure, under some circumstances it can be a period of testing to see if relationships are on a sound footing. The test may consist of situations that will determine your ability to maintain your individuality within your important relationships. This influence produces a tendency to compromise rather than to stand up for your beliefs and rights. Someone may take advantage of your good nature at this time, which is not a tremendous danger, but something to keep in mind when dealing with people today. At this time your energies are rather low, not so that you feel sick, but so that you feel like doing nothing. Your work may not be done carefully because your heart is not really in it.

The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Venus Square Venus, , exact at 14:40
activity period from 10 September 2009 to 12 September 2009

I'll have to keep that in mind.

Shit is weird. I certainly never expected it to turn out like this. I .. like her. Which is something I never saw coming. I'm looking forward to this.

Thanks, by the way, for trying to toss me under the bus. I don't know what I was thinking.

Do you even read this now? I guess it's not considered talking. And if you tell anyone about this I will hurt you. -.-

I get sushi tomorrow.

I'm going to play Spore.

"Well history repeats itself.
There in, it is what it is.
I should've learned this the first time through.
I made the mistake of letting you in.
Only to be buried again in my sin."

Well, that's ironic.

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 21:59:28 GMT

You need to be yourself now and to feel what you really are. In your relations with others, you will project much more emotionally than usual, and if some people do not like this side of you it may be necessary to reconsider your friendship with them. In love relationships, you will experience greater emotional depth than usual, and consequently your experience with a lover will be much more intense. The only danger to watch out for here is that you may be too possessive of the other person. Also you may be so wrapped up in your own feelings that you are unaware of the other's feelings. Relations with women in general are improved by this influence. Regardless of your own sex, your experiences with them will very likely show you a great deal about yourself in a positive way.

The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Moon in the 5th House, 5, from 14:32
activity period from 7 September 2009 to 9 September 2009

Hope is a dangerous thing.

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 17:49:52 GMT

I feel like shit. My eyes are starting to get puffy and my face is congested. I feel like I've been swimming, and I just keep getting swept away by the current.

I don't know how this happened. I knew this was coming, I expected it. It shouldn't hurt this much.

I don't understand how you hate that this keeps happening, but I don't see you trying to stop it. You just keep letting this get fucked up, and I guess I'll hear from you in another two years.

The sad thing is, that I think I would rather do this for the rest of my life if it meant I didn't have to forget you.

And tomorrow would've been a whole week. But it wasn't even a full day. Maybe next time we can shoot for half an hour.

And I know this might hurt, and I really don't mean it to, because if you wanted to, I'd do this all over again tomorrow. And if things don't work, I really hope you find me. I'm still waiting for the chance to be friends without the effects of outside influences. I feel like I'm still in high school, and I hate it.

We always get fucked, and I want this enough to fight for it. There's only so much I can do.

Even my cat likes my niece more than he likes me. Maybe I'm just not enough.

I need to find some eyeliner so I can pass as sick instead of upset.

Edit: And this is what I meant : Even visably upset, he can look at me and not even ask what's wrong. Not that I'm sure I want to have that conversation, but none-the-less.

I had something else to say, but I forgot. I suck.

Edit Edit: I'm not sure that I'll hang out with Lee much. He's made it clear that he thinks I'm guilty, and without getting a fair chance, I don't think he's someone I'll go out on a limb to hang out with. Sammy on the other hand I feel is more open. I think we're looking for the same stuff out of life, and while he hasn't said he thinks I did it, he won't pass judgment. Which means I'm more comfortable talking to him because I feel like he's giving me a chance.

And I hope you realize that this doesn't make us friends. We're now acquaintances.

But I'll use this moment of clarity. Since things are already shitty I'm going to find out how much shittier they can get. Should be lots of fun.

My arms hurt.. Maybe he was heavier than I thought.

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 16:46:37 GMT

Well.. This week has been an emotional fuck. But it was so worth it. Last Thursday I was lucky enough to run into Sammy at Harris Teeter, which was odd considering he lives in the middle of nowhere(aka marshville or somewhere) So he invited me to the Chad's get-together thing, which was awesome, because I always loved hanging out with Sammy. So we went to that. There weren't many people there, but it was nice just hanging out with people. I spent probably half the night talking to Sammy about his schooling and stuff, and a few people were almost too drunk to function. We took Lee, Mikey, and big Bret to Lee's house, hung out for a few minutes, and then left because it was getting late.

Then Wednesday Sammy had that dinner thing at Sagebrush. An hour after we got there, (maybe? I wasn't really counting..) Sammy was looking for you and told me he would blame me if you didn't show up. That kind of hurt, because I never thought that you would act like that. But a few minutes later you walked in, said hi to everyone(except me :p) So anyway blah blah blah we ate and got Sammy numerous beers and I ran into Megan, which was weird that out of all the tables we get one of hers. So anyway when you finally said hi I completely fell apart. Could you tell? At some point we disappeared to the bar to talk because he I wanted to know whatever he could tell me about how you felt towards.. me? I guess? Which it turns out, he didn't know really anything, but told me he was trying not to pass judgment, which I guess made me feel a little better. Although I'm not really sure if I should now that I think about it...

So! You were leaving and gave me a hug and I was so happy. Then you invited us over, and I really wasn't sure whether or not to go because I thought you might have done it just to be polite... But I guess by that point I would've taken what I could get. :) I figured even if you still didn't talk to me, it would be worth it just to spend time with you. I'm glad I went back the second time though, because we might not even be talking if I didn't. Things were still a little rough.. it kills me to know you think/thought of me so badly. And you should know I'll always forgive you (unless maybe you stabbed me or something..)

And now it's Sunday, and I'm doing laundry (yay clean work clothes) and I feel awesome. I still have an anxious feeling, and I'm not really sure why, but it's not as bad as it was the other week.

I still don't like what happened.. and it still bothers me because I don't know who/why.

I wish I could read minds.

"I'm a million miles away
When you get this letter
A jagged pulse runs through my veins
I write to remember."

"You never did notice that you still hide away the anger of angels who won't return."

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 19:00:10 GMT

I'm a bit disappointed. I must admit, I thought you had finally come to your senses. It appears I was wrong.

"Your words kill me."

I had sushi for lunch, and it was awesome, like it always is. Ryan gets props for taking us to that place.

I still feel like big change is coming. It's an odd feeling.. I guess it's like.. I'm anxious. Excited, but for no reason. I know it's not for work tonight. >.<

Perhaps I'm just.. more forward than you are. Maybe it's just because I'm an Aries, and you're.. not. Being non-confrontational sucks, doesn't it? And unfortunately, I'll honor your wishes until you decide you want something different.

And I am ever so glad for my ability to put things in the past. It's people I have a hard time letting go of.

"He says all the right things, at exactly the right time.. "

Time to learn and get ready for my overnight with the boys. How depressing.

Can you guess the music?

Rescue me.

Sat, 15 Aug 2009 03:16:40 GMT

I feel odd. Like something big is coming.. I just don't know what. I'm not sure I've ever felt like this before.

My sense of time is fucked up now that I pull third shift one night a week every week. The past seems so far away. It feels like it's been forever that I've been doing this, but it's only been 4-5 months. It's not as hard to stay awake the day after now. My dependence on energy drinks is waning. It's kind of nice.

I'm off to bed. I work eight hours tomorrow. It doesn't sound bad written like that, but it's such horrible timing that my whole Saturday has been sucked out from under me. Sunday, as well. At least I'll have Monday. And most of Tuesday and Wednesday. I hate coupons.

Having a three day weekend is nice.

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 02:24:10 GMT

I'm playing iTunes starting with the oldest things first. I'm now into November of last year.

APC, how odd. I feel weird. Maybe an effect of the sleeping pills? I really don't have much to say. Everything is going pretty good. Tuesday nights suck because I work all night. Wednesdays suck more because I'm running on two and a half hours of sleep. The plus side to this is that I usually get weekend time off, so that's nice. I suppose I'll go watch a movie.

"...can you feel me now?"

Fri, 15 May 2009 01:04:41 GMT

I think, if I ever became a stripper, my dance song would be the cover of "Toxic" by A Static Lullaby.

Thu, 07 May 2009 02:29:13 GMT

I am.. all over the place. Every day.

"You've crossed the line.
I was honest, I never promised anything, just a brotherhood to stand for something.
And everyone should take the lead and follow your dreams.
If you don't try, you fail."

I am so mentally exhausted. I just need to relax. Maybe it's the work hours. >.< Ugh. So anyway, I've been listening to Silverstein since I went to the concert last month. It was good stuff. I'm thinking about buying a new digital camera, and of course I don't know what I'd do with it, because I don't really go anywhere, other than work.

"This union - a battle fought and lost.
This union was not about the cause.
This union was never about love."

I am constantly second guessing this, and I don't like it. I just want to be happy, in life. I am perfectly happy with myself... I don't know.. It's hard to explain, I guess.

I need to take some sleeping pills and get to sleep so I can actually make it to work tomorrow morning.

"I am the light that warms up your body.
That sets free the demons inside.
I am the one that never ignores you,
That never will let you down."

"Don't pretend you're not the one who's wrong."

"I can see, through the flames, that the fire cleanses me."

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 16:59:27 GMT

So! It's been an awesome weekend. Friday was ridiculous. We went everywhere looking for the Silverstein album that came out a couple of years ago. No luck there. Then we left at 6 to go to Tremont. The concert was awesome. The first three bands were good, got their albums. Silverstein fucking rocked. I <3<3<3 them. They were amazing. It sucked that Justin couldn't go. I probably wouldn't have even bought the tickets. But I enjoyed it anyway. Then I worked all day sunday and monday and I'm off today until about 10, when I go in for third shift. Then I get to be awake for 24+ hours so I can be up at 7:30 thursday morning. whoop!

Thats pretty much about it. Buy Silverstein's new album. Peace!

Have you ever just felt like running away?

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 03:18:01 GMT

It would cost me less than two hundred dollars to get to you.

"I made the mistake of letting you in..."

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 02:18:32 GMT

I just spent over an hour typing this to a post on my cell, and somehow deleted the whole post. I was almost finished. But now that I started, I have to finish it. For me. This is something I must do.

Here I am putting the whole truth, for you. For me. So that I can get it out. So here it is.

We'll start with freshmen year. That first note started it all. You put yourself out there, as a friend, and I accepted. We talked about anything and everything, and I was always honest with you. Our letters progressed to two or three a day, if we were bored enough. A couple of months later, my one silly action would drive you away. Remember what you said? "That will be there for life.". But I made sure it wouldn't. You went on to ignore me, and completely crushed me. I was such a silly little girl. But somehow we managed to salvage our friendship, and our letters resumed after a while. Then you wrote the words that I would never forget and that would forever damage my relationship with other men. "Are you okay? I know you say you're alright, but sometimes your eyes say something different." God, how that scared me. Back then I didn't have to work hard to hide things. People saw what they wanted. But you.. You saw through me. Saw me. To this day, I'm still looking for someone who can see me like you did.

Anyway, sophomore year, we started talking again. You came to visit me, admitted that you thought about me over the summer, and was happy that I had asked about you. I was happy you still remembered me. Silly little girl. We started up our friendship again, and you asked me to accompany you to the weenie roast. Upon leaving, I told you to go east, and you insisted on going west. Once you realized we were an hour on the wrong side of Charlotte, you sped back the other way, and got us pulled over. The thought now makes me smile. But at the time, I remember thinking "I can't be with a guy who won't listen to me.". Stupid girl. And I let our friendship fade. But you should know that it wasn't your fault. It was mine.

Then, a year and a half later, I found you on myspace. We started talking for a few days, until you sent me a message saying you couldn't be friends with me because you loved your girlfriend. I was angry, because, honestly, what kind of stupid reason is that? But I got over it.

Another year and a half later, we started talking again. This time for maybe a week. I left for Florida. At my sisters house, she had just moved and was having trouble getting her wireless to work. I had no internet connection. When I told you this, you were angry at me, and you told me you wanted me to apologize. When I asked what for you pulled that "you know why" shit instead of just telling me. You told me to check my e-mail. Like I could. I cried myself to sleep wondering what I had done to you. When I finally got to my e-mail, I found nothing there. When I told you this, you accused me of what could only be called bullshit. I was upset, and actually strained to remember my days, searching for any blackouts in my memory. You actually had me thinking I was crazy. And then I got angry. I wrote you a message fitting to your ridiculous accusations, and basically told you to fuck off. I apologize for that.

And as many times as we discussed astrology, you should know that as an Aries, if I am anything, I am proud.

I will NEVER apologize for something I did not do. Ever. I understand why I am automatically the bad person. It's easier for you this way. I get it. Really. But there were and still are three options.

One - It was me.
Two - A random act of hacking.
Three - It was her.

In my defense, I must say that I have too much respect for the friendship we once shared to do something like that to you. And I am too proud to disguise it. If it would've been me, I would've used my own e-mail address, instead of making another one. I have enough passwords to worry about as it is. I don't need another. And as I stated to you before, I could give a fuck less about her.

Which brings me to number two. A random act seems... a little far-fetched. I will not rule it out completely, but I will bring you the questions I have come up with while thinking about it. How would they know how to contact her? How would they know exactly what to say to make you angry?

Number three. It was her. It wouldn't be too hard to accept. She has, after all, stuck her face where it didn't belong before. Why is it so hard to believe that she wouldn't do it again? If not her, then maybe a friend?

To further stress the point I tried and failed to make to you a year ago, I will be honest. The kind of honesty not all people will give you.

I will admit, at the time, I was toying with the idea of breaking up with my boyfriend. However, I do this a lot, so it is really nothing new.

I will also admit, that if something does not directly effect me, I don't care. I do not care about the bombing in the middle east. About tsunamis, hurricanes, or floods. I am an Aries, and I am selfish. I know that, and I accept it. You may think I'm horrible, but if you know me, you know I don't care what you think. It doesn't matter. Not to me. Not anymore.

It's one thirty in the morning.

Edit: I found this when I logged on. What the hell? I'll post it. Why? Because it helped, as I intended it to do. I feel better, and I no longer think about you as often. I let out what I was feeling, and I feel SO much better.

So on to a real post. Well.. another one.

"You can never outrun the past and the things that you've done.."

Work has been good. I enjoy my co-workers(most of them) and we actually have fun. While its kind of like the movie theatre in which you don't hear very often that you've done a good job, when I walk in to work, people smile, and that makes it worth it to me. They enjoy working with me and I'm glad that I can make something like work not seem so dull. I'm looking forward to actually having a Saturday off of work. I don't know what I'll do though. Probably nothing, as usual.

I think that's everything. I figured I should write something.. to remember. Oh! I went to Tremont last Saturday to see Scapegoat and Wretched. It was a good show. Bought Zombie Dog, which was a good thing, because I've had Scapegoat stuck in my head ever since the concert. God, watching Kit perform was beautiful. Scapegoat reminded me why I used to go to shows. I will definitely have to see them again. I still have another CD to pick up. An amazing show. They'll have to live up to it in the future.

So. I suppose that is everything for now.

"Well history repeats itself, there in, it is what it is. I should have learned this the first time through. I made the mistake of letting you in only to be buried again in my sin."

And to you whom this song applies. I no longer think about you either. But you I will get to another day. When it bothers me more. Or when I have nothing better to do.

"How did we get here? I used to know you so well."

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 03:57:10 GMT

More like you USED to know me.

Things I love :

My managers - I get along with all of them and they're not power-hungry douchebags.
My co-workers - Same as above.
Customers - They're usually nice. And good for a laugh when I'm bored.
A busy day - As much as I hate to say it, the day passes by faster. Which means less time I have to be there, hahaha.
My regulars - Granted, I only have about three that I can remember, but I like them and they make me smile. And they're good to talk to. For you know.. regular conversation.

Things I hate :

Kids - For some reason parents just let their kids do whatever and act like little assholes and get in my way when I'm trying to do my job. WTF? Have you never heard of discipline? My children will put yours to shame.
People who ask for paper - Plastic is so much easier, and you can recycle it too! Not that you would know that.
People who take the carts at the end of the registers - Those are not for you. They are for the groceries that I'm scanning. Go to the entrance and get your own fucking cart, assholes. Quit stealing mine.
Good customer service - I'm pretty sure this nice thing is rubbing off on me and I'm slowly forgetting sarcasm and the joy it is to use it. Plus I got yelled at for being nice! Stupid whore. But at least she's provided me with endless laughter at her ridiculousness. Her crying still gives me the giggles.
Our store budget - We can't afford to ever have enough people working, which gets our customers angry because they "have" to bag their own shit. Number one : You bought it. If it's such a fucking nuisance, leave it in the store, fuckface. Number two : If you'd wait till I was fucking done with our transaction, I'd bag it myself, better than you ever could. So pull that stick out of your ass and just wait a second.

I think thats about it. Of what I can remember anyway. And as long as the second list is, I still love working there. Sad, huh? At least it makes me happy.

So so so ...

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 03:19:13 GMT

Let's see.. since the last time I posted.. I got DSL, finally got Spore working on my computer, and I'm in the process of buying myself a 600 dollar ring, hahahahahaha. Nice.

And all my managers are nice! And none of them are assholes.. well.. one is. But I dont talk to him, so it's all good. So I guess thats it. Life is good. I suppose.

An update!

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 04:32:36 GMT

So I'm finally free of the movie theatre. Yay! I am now employed at a grocery store, making more money with so far more hours, so yay for me. My managers arn't crazy and I believe they have relatively good grammar, so thats also a plus.

I'm talking to Lee on the phone right now, so that's cool. And rocking out to Metro Station. .. And I think that's all I wanted to say. So peace.

Vampires. Definately.

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 05:08:17 GMT

So I logged in and the Writers Block subject was "Vampires or Werewolves?"

Like you'd have to ask. But that's not the point!! Yes, my friends, today's entry actually has a point to it, and the point is this:

When a book is being made into a movie, WHY is it so fucking hard for whoever is making the movie to use the book as the script? Why? It'd be so easy it's ridiculous. I am tired of seeing my favorite books made into movies and being WRONG. People say something that someone else in the book said, things are happening out of order, stuff is completely cut out. What the fuck? If you're not going to do the book justice, don't make the fucking movie. Please. Spare us all your sad attempt at entertainment.

The only highlight to actually putting faces to the people I read about (I don't know why, but when I read, I can't picture people, only settings..), are Rosalie, Jasper, and Edward. They are the most like what I imagined they'd look like. Carlisle is okay.. I'm still not sure about him. But anyway.. I guess I'm done. I made my point, and it's one in the morning. I think Alice's hair is too long.. and it's supposed to be black.

I just thought you should know....

Sat, 24 May 2008 04:28:40 GMT

I just tried to log in to MySpace for the first time in a couple of days and was told my account was frozen for 15 minutes for too many failed login attempts.

Stolen from Matthew.

Sat, 03 May 2008 03:42:26 GMT

[A] - AVAILABLE: Not really.
[B] - BIRTHDAY: March 23rd, 1988
[C] - CANDY: Skittles, M&Ms
[D] - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Pepsi
[E] - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Uh.. LaTisha
[F] - FAVORITE MUSIC GROUP/BAND: Paramore, A7X, Fall Out Boy
[G] - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Bears
[H] - HOMETOWN: Hialeah, FL, bitches!!
[I] - INSTRUMENT: Guitar
[J] - JUICE: Er.. Berry I guess..
[K] - KILLED SOMEONE: Not to my knowledge.
[L] - LONGEST CAR RIDE: 12 hours I believe.
[M] - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Chocolate Mint, damn it!
(N] - NUMBER OF PETS: Uh.. Technically? 7
[O] - ONE WISH: To fly, without the help of.. well.. anything.
[P] - PERSON WHO CALLED YOU LAST: Er, I think my dad....Yep!
[R] - REASONS TO SMILE: Next friday! Well, and tomorrow night.
[S] - SCREEN NAME: This one.
[T] - TIME YOU WOKE UP: Which time? The last was at 11
[U] - UNDERWEAR: Mine?
[V] - VEGETABLE: ...Cucumber is a vegetable, right?
[W]- WORST HABIT: Dropped it a couple of years ago.
[X] - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: None?
[Y] - YOUR FAVORITE COLOR(S): Bright ones. I think I'm gay on the inside, haha.
[Z] - ZODIAC SIGN: Aries, motherfuckers!

"I'm not doing this for you"

Fri, 02 May 2008 01:11:36 GMT

Wow. That was fun.

"One wish that this is over
You are all I waste today
(Discarded, worthless, throw it away)
Will it tear you apart..
(Will it, will it tear you apart?)
When I turn and walk away?

Abandon, it's not worth the effort
You're stalling and too fucking scared to create
Abandon, it's not worth the effort
You're stalling and too scared."

So now I'm home. And back at the theatre. Fun fun. I guess. A mall is being built about 10 minutes down the street from where I live. That sucks.

Um.. I like stuff.

I guess that's it.

"I speak fast and I'm not gonna repeat myself. So listen carefully to every word I say. I'm the only one who's gonna get away with making excuses today. You're appealing to emotions that I simply do not have. Blackmail myself cause I ain't got anyone else."

I won't come after you.

"We only want to sing you to sleep.."

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 03:07:20 GMT

My plane leaves one week from Saturday. I am so excited.

I work projection tomorrow night. Gay. But I get paid time and a half. Yeeeaaah.

It doesnt feel like christmas. We didn't even put the tree up this year.

I really don't have much else to say. I dislike christmas, because I never know what to get anyone. My parents are always "dont get us anything, save your money" but fuck that. Now that I'm leaving, Secrest stuck my ass in projection for four days. Lucky for me I don't care about doing good in projection so it sucks for him if something wraps. Hahaha.

Hmm, well, I guess thats it for now. Maybe tomorrow I will have something to say.

"I couldn't bring myself to call, except to call it quits."

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 02:59:10 GMT

I've been doing projection for a couple of weeks now, and while it's so easy you'd have to be a retard to fuck it up, I can't stand it. As low as my tolerance is for almost all people, I'd much rather be downstairs dealing with assholes than upstairs with myself and the walls to talk to. The only good thing about doing projection is that I get more hours, which means more money. It bores nothing else. It has, however, lowered my tolerance for dickheads and makes me twice as likely to tell the customers exactly what they can do with their $1.75, regardless of the fact that I could lose my job for it. Twice since doing projection I have become so angry that I was shaking, which I don't think has ever happened before. If it has, I can't remember. Today was one of those days. I dislike projection for the even shorter fuse it has given me. Being as angry as I was today is something I definitely do not like.

I need to start meditating again. I haven't really had the chance since I went back to work.

The muscles in my arms, shoulders, back, and legs are sore. I can't really move in to any position without feeling some degree of pain. It sucks, but I like it. This pain came from manual labor around the house. It may sound weird, but I'd have to explain it in person, because I don't feel like typing anymore.

"A penny for your thoughts, but a dollar for your insides. Oh, a fortune for your disaster."

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 04:15:08 GMT

I couldn't sleep last night. I wasn't surprised. The night before I dreamt about you.

Thing's are starting to get better. Or maybe this is just the calm before the storm. I'm nervous. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight, either.

Yesterday I was unsure of whether or not I really wanted to sleep. I wanted to see you, but then again, I didn't. I guess the cons won. Or to quote you, sleep was "for the lose" last night. Or maybe for the suck? Either way, I lose.

It's midnight, my nerves are shot, and I think I'm going crazy. I keep hearing voices and seeing things. But it's nothing major. I'll hear a mumble or something and ask Collin "What?" and he doesn't say anything. So I go, "What did you say?" and he goes "Me?" and I say, "No, the cats. Yes, you!" and he goes "Nothing.". Then I go "Fuck." It happens maybe once a day. And I only see things out of the corners of my eyes, but then again, who doesn't? It's like seeing a rock or something, but when you turn to look back, it isn't there. It's kind of annoying. And perhaps is the reason my nerves are shot.